Quantum Mechanics Saves Santa

The analysis about the death of Santa Claus, based on

classical physics, is seriously flawed owing to its neglect of

quantum phenomena that become significant in his particular case.

As it happens, the terminal velocity of a reindeer in dry December

air over the Northern Hemisphere (for example) is known with

tremendous precision. The mass of Santa and his sleigh (since
the

number of children and their gifts is also known precisely, ahead

of time, and the reindeer must weigh in minutes before the flight)

is also known with tremendous precision. His direction of flight
is,

as you say, essentially east to west.

All of that, when taken together, means that the momentum vector of

Mr Claus and his cargo is known with incredible precision. An

elementary application of Heisenberg's uncertainty principle yields

the result that Santa's location, at any given moment on Christmas

Eve, is highly imprecise. In other words, he is "smeared out"
over

the surface of the earth, analogous to the manner in which an

electron is "smeared out" within a certain distance from the nucleus

in an atom. Thus he can, quite literally, be everywhere at any
given

moment.

In addition, the relativistic velocities which his reindeer can attain

for brief moments make it possible for him, in certain cases, to arrive

at some locations shortly before he left the North Pole. Santa,
in

other words, assumes for brief periods the characteristics of tachyons.

I will admit that tachyons remain hypothetical, but then so do black

holes, and who really doubts their existence anymore?